you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
