If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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