I just pynch a tree in the face
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize