I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
