Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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