so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
