yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
