I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
