Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
