ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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