Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
