So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
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i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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