My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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