he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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