I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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