Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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