never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
