When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
