No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize