I think I am morally bankrupt
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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