She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
