Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
