Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
