Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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