Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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