Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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