some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
