why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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