I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
