I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize