I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
