its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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