Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
