Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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