I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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