yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
