I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
