I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
