you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
