So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
