I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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