my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
