is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
