It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dick very happy bro
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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