I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
