Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
