Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
"it" just moved
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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