haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
