so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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