i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
