Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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