I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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