ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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