why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
