I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
