some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
