bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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