I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
