there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
