So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
