I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
