I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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