I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
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Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's great music for shaving your balls
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion