I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face