Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish i was in the wii world.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Someone came in the potted fern
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.