dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
