walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
