Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love black thongs
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
