just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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