and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
