Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
