I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
