ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
