Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
