I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
