Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
