i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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