in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
