I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
