Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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