Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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