Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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