I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
