you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
