Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
