just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
