He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize